I haven’t always been the most honest person. It’s true. It’s something I struggle with a lot. I mean, who doesn’t? I know from personal experience that it not only hurts your heart when you lie, but it hurts your soul and everyone around you. Sure there are people around me who lie. Nothing to serious. Just your average white lie to avoid conflict. It does, come concerning though, when your white lies turn in to meaningful lies. Then those lies get even bigger and swallow people up whole. Then it becomes more of a concern when you believe your own lie. When it gets to the point that people know you’re a liar yet they still believe your every word, that’s when you need to be scared.
Right now, at this very moment, I am drowning in a pool of never ending lies. Now, it’s not me doing the lies. As surprising as that may be to some. No, it’s someone I’m supposed to look up to. Someone whose footsteps I’m supposed to fallow. Although it’s kind of funny that no one notices my serious plunge into the deep end of what it seems as never ending depression. I will always wonder how you feel about this though. Being so caught up in your lies did you even notice? Notices my abundant suicidal attempts. Notice my ever flowing tear. Notice my heart ripping at the seam.
Well, of course I should know that you haven’t. With you being so suicidal yourself. I attempt it once. You try it twice. It’s a never ending challenge. Although this “challenge” you created is simply who dies first. I mean you think people would notice how you have to one up every story. Come on you took two beautiful births and made them all about you.
I never meant to put myself in this situation. Although it seemed inedible. Moving from one house to the next. Practically destroying relationships not only with me but with the family. I came to you when I needed help. All you did was invest me in your lie party. As if a whole other person. Constantly doing wrong. I couldn’t take it.
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